I recall the moments when I felt so frustrated with my situation in life and I was so ready to proclaim that my big change in life shall take place right now or at the very latest, the next day! You know these moments too right? Your boss telling you to stay late for the project deadline she did not tell you about till the last minute. Your super cute jeans cutting into your not so cute love handles as you struggle to find something, anything to wear that doesn’t make you feel fat. Staring at your computer screen replying to emails from yet another irate and irritating customer who was being a giant pain in the ass.

As we experience these frustrations, we swear to ourselves “No longer will I put up with this sub-par standards, I must turn my life around!” Perhaps yours is slightly more or less dramatic but you get the gist.

Whilst some of us have a lightning bolt moment that makes us vow to change, most of us have moments like these that accumulates over time and cause us to change our lives. Yet, by the time the heat of our passion and frustration dies down, we talk ourselves out of any action at all. Why?

Fear or as I prefer to call it in this instance, the negative monkey.

Behold, The Negative Monkey

Transforming our lives takes a much bigger courage than most people think. It is not as easy as just exercising and eating right to lose weight or find another career because your current one doesn’t quite cut it. People have lifestyles to afford, families to feed, homes to be paid for and most importantly we have our negative monkeys in our heads to appease like an angry deity that needs a sacrificial lamb to be satiated. The negative monkey in our head tells us that we shouldn’t make any changes because we aren’t good enough, no one else will hire us or love us or give us the right pay. The same monkey also tells us that your partner, best friend, mother will not agree with the choices you make. This monkey then tells us that we cannot do this, we are simply not equipped to be an entrepreneur, an artist, a writer or be with other people.

In moments of lucidity usually caused by frustration, we magically override the monkey and we believe in ourselves and our capabilities. Hence, I believe that the key is overriding the monkey as and when we need to act because life is too short to wait for these moments to show up. When you find yourself low on the courage it takes to override the negative monkey, simply remember these three points below:

1. Whatever you believe about what you can or cannot do, throw that out the window even if it is just for now.
2. Whatever you fear about what people would say or do, know that this is only your assumption, not an absolute truth.
3. Whatever you believe about having more time to do this next week/month/year, don’t let the delusion of future time fool you because none of us is aware of just how much or little time we have.

Let’s go through each point together:

1.     Whatever you believe about what you can or cannot do, throw that out the window even if it is just for now.

Many of us have a belief that we are not as capable of the big things. You know, things that really matter. Yet, when push comes to shove, don’t many of us surprise ourselves by our resourcefulness and willingness to go above and beyond our normal abilities? Have you ever heard of something called hysterical strength? This is when a human being like you and I exert an extraordinary amount strength under extreme situations like in an accident where we must save a loved one with very little time to spare. Like this teenage girl in Virginia, USA who lifted a truck to save her father.

Now, we are not lifting trucks in our daily lives but just imagine, what are we truly capable of when we choose to do so. Now think about what it is that you are struggling to act on. What do you currently believe about yourself that stops you from acting? What do you need to believe for you to move forward?

2.     Whatever you fear about what people would say or do, know that this is only your assumption, not an absolute truth.

This is not so much about what would Jesus say but more about what you think your mum might say or think. Look I get it, we fear disappointing our loved ones, we want approval and when we don’t get it, we feel slighted and less loved but guess what? I am not asking you to be someone who does care about approval although that is something we might want to address later on 😊. Rather, this is more about not assuming what people might think or be held back by what you assume their opinions are. The truth is, this is your life and only your opinion truly counts. You are going to face negativity, passive aggressiveness and even hostility, this is just part and parcel of living with people, you can’t please them all. Know your own truth, hear them.

3.     Whatever you believe about having more time to do this next week/month/year, don’t let the delusion of future time fool you because none of us is aware of just how much or little time we have.

Ok by now you and I know we cannot travel through time and we are certainly not pyschics or fortune tellers who can tell exactly what will happen and when. Yet, haven’t you heard yourself saying “I’ve got time, I will start my diet next week or I will start my business next year”? In Top 5 Regrets of The Dying, Bronnie Ware wrote that the number one regret of people nearing the end of their lives is not having the courage to live life true to themselves. So many of us spend our lives living according to the expectations of others, of society and we forget that at the end, it is ourselves we need to be accounted to.  The reality is that time is indeed what we make of it and if something truly matters to you, you will find the time to fit it in.

Find your own path towards courage

Courage is the ability to consistently show up, not just the one-off attendance. Anything that is worth doing requires us to be a little vulnerable and then be brave at the face of vulnerability. You have all that you need to be courageous but perhaps when you need just a little boost, simply remember those 3 simple things above and start transforming your life, bit by bit.