“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.” ~ Mark Twain

Now that you have a clear idea of your values and beliefs, you know the stuff that is really important to you we can now begin to construct an image of you that fits into your value system. To get started from the beginning read Part 1-Values and Beliefs.

Self concept is the term psychologists use to refer to what someone thinks of themselves. Often I find that when I ask people to tell me about themselves they always start with what they do for a living as in their work. The other common answer and this is specific to women, they often say “I am mum with x number of kids.” Now there is nothing wrong with the descriptions but surely there is more to life than work and being a parent. What about you?

When I first started on my journey to being a life coach, entrepreneur and living life on my own terms I had a big discount on my self-confidence. I knew that I can do this and yet my inner critic was telling me that I could not. I saw myself  as someone without experience and have no business trying to attempt this. My concept of myself was inexperienced and thinking way above what I should. I have way more to offer than that and so do you but let us be realistic here and work with your existing thoughts about yourself. Warts and all, people.

“Be yourself, not your idea of what you think somebody else’s idea of yourself should be.” – Henry David Thoreau

Now, take a moment and write down how you see yourself. It might help if you imagine looking at a mirror image of yourself and then describe what you see.

Right, now that you you are able to see yourself let us move on to your nearest and dearest.

Do others buy into your version of self concept?

What do your loved ones think of you? I am talking about people that matter to you, not the people you think should matter. These people must care for you as much as you care for them so think hard about who these people are and give them a call or even better meet up with them for a chat and ask them how they would describe you.

I asked my husband and my best girl friend what they thought of me. My girl friend said that I am non-judgmental, resourceful with ideas, suggestions and how to get things sorted out and that everytime we meet I always leave her with something to think about when it comes to developing her life. My husband said that I have an innate sense of intuition, an uncanny ability to provide different perspectives so that he can see different angles to every situation and that I am always interested in people to find out who they are.

Now that is a nice thought isn’t it? But what are people good at more than anything? We are good at providing a negative criticism to the good things others say about us and I immediately came up with well I am a bossy mare and I must improve on connecting with my friends and family more often. When you hear such brilliant things about you, stop your inner critic and accept the affirmations because you know that these things are true. Do not get stuck in beating yourself up about your flaws that only you can see, you have all the time with yourself to do so. Enjoy the moment and let that moment of positive affirmations engulf you like a big, firm hug.

Do also write down the description from these people and keep it with you, you can always refer and remind yourself that hey your loved ones think you are awesome.

The real treat – How you want to see yourself

Ok now that we know what you and your loved ones think of you right now, think about how you would like to be described from now on. After quite some years and months of self discovery journey I came up with this description “I am an intelligent, independent woman living life on my own terms who is passionate about helping others find for their own unique life identity and by doing so live a meaningful life for themselves. I am a great friend, wife, sister and daughter and I am able to be all of these things because I am of value to others.

You will notice that in my ideal description I have included my roles as a great friend, wife, sister and daughter because the people closest to me are important and I believe that if I am unable to live true to my values, I am unable to provide any value to other people. When you think about how you would like to be described from now on, you must think about your values and beliefs as your description must speak true to you. There is not enough time on earth to be fake to yourself.

Now, once again think about your ideal description and write it down for you to refer and remind yourself. Think big and even come up with silly made up words if you like. Remember your values and beliefs will change with time and so will your description so do not be afraid to keep changing it till you believe it is true. Now is the time to toss out your inner critic and only keep the good angel in your head as you come up with the description.

You now have a vision of yourself that you are on the way to become, follow this up with a reality check and figure out what you have now and what needs to be worked on in the next article: Part 3-Skills, Strengths and Weaknesses.

Like the article? Leave your comments and share with me how you see yourself!