“Success without fulfilment is the ultimate failure.” ~ Tony Robbins

Do you remember a moment of true fulfilment in your life? Really think hard and try to remember. Many of us struggle to come up with a time where we are truly fulfilled because we tend to link emotions to events and we also often associate fulfilment with happiness when being fulfilled is so much more than a fleeting moment of happiness.

Fulfilment is different things to different people. First of all you must define for yourself what it means to be fulfilled. Some feel a deep sense of fulfilment from being a mother, some feel a deep sense of fulfilment from being a teacher and some serving as a leader to people. But what if after achieving some levels of successes in life, you still yourself feeling incomplete and wanting more?

I can recall this feeling of yearning for more during my days in the corporate world. It wasn’t a major crisis that triggered this feeling, it was a constant throbbing ache rather than an acute stabbing pain. As I went about my day to day routine of wake up, commute, get to the office, get out office, go to a bar for a drink and then home, I just felt this constant sensation of feeling incomplete, unfulfilled and unhappy.

I felt there was more to life than being in an ok job, having an ok health. I wanted to be more than ok, I wanted to create a life to be proud of, I wanted to thrive and not just survive.

As I went on a decade long study, self-discovery, soul searching and application of everything and anything I could to help me get clearer on my goals and help me achieve them, I realised that achieving materialistic success is quite different compared to achieving fulfilment.

Many people make lots of money, build successful businesses, live in luxury homes only to still have broken relationships, bad health, low self-worth, and anxiety issues. They are still unhappy because they have only focused on one aspect of their lives and demand that their riches and influence bring them fulfilment and naturally, it doesn’t.

As I delved deeper into what it means to be fulfilled, I surmised that not only does fulfilment comes from within, it comes from the sum of these three parts:

1. Identity
2. Foundation
3. Purpose

“To thine own self be true” ~ William Shakespeare

Identity: Knowing Who You Are Is The First Step Towards Fulfilment

Do you know who you truly are? Or are you like most, afraid of really reaching within and finding out all the goodness, badness and ugliness within you? Trust me, they are there.

Many people who are unhappy with themselves are often running away from things that they fear to be shameful, to be unwelcome, undesirable. And there are many who put on a different face for each role in society they play, never really showing who they are.

Your identity is everything that is you. They include: your personality, your likes, dislikes, how you look, what you think about the world, your values, your beliefs.

That is just the surface because people are not afraid to reveal these things to people. Within you there is also your self-worth, what you think yourself and whether you think you measure up to other people’s standards for you.

We cannot help it, we are just humans. We want to belong, we want to be approved of, we want to be loved and we want to love.

Sometimes, when we crave acceptance so badly, we forget who we are and we forget that self-acceptance is important too. In today’s world, it is all about positive vibes and motivation that we get lost in a sea of productivity habits, to do lists, setting goals and we forget about the basic thing of knowing ourselves and living a life true to us.

Hence, this first pillar of knowing who you are or having a crystal-clear sense of identity is truly important because if you do not know who you are and whom you seek to become, you lose sight of why you do anything in the first place.

Foundation

In a disordered mind, as in a disordered body, soundness of health is impossible. – Marcus Tullius Cicero

The foundation forms the backbone of us being capable of being ourselves optimally and gives us the ability to go after our dreams. In the pursuit of riches and success, many people end up broken in mind, body and heart.

I believe that the foundation should be symbiotic with us chasing our dreams and not as an afterthought or not a thought at all.

Just imagine this, you are a billionaire, you are in your castle, you have more than enough servants than you know what to do with, you have more money in your bank account than you can ever spend in a few lifetimes.

You are free in every sense of the word and yet here you are, riddled with health problems, alone and lonely without people around you who care about you, your children have long since stopped talking to you, the love of your life could no longer take being second place in your life.

With nothing to ask for, you still find yourself wanting….

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. – Lao Tzu

Your foundation is your mind, your body and last but not least your heart. Without your mind in peak health, you won’t have the mental aptitude to go after your big dreams.

Without your physical health you will not have the energy nor physical capabilities to do all that you want.

Without your heart you will not have the emotional stability to withstand the tumultuous times nor the capacity for real human connections in your life.

These 3 pieces form the basis for all the big things you can achieve. Without these three foundational pieces in your life, many accomplishments would be pointless or even impossible.

These three things are not good to have, these are must-haves.

Purpose

It’s not enough to have lived, We should be determined to live for something. – Winston Churchill

Finally, here’s the third component to a fulfilling life: Purpose. I believe that we all have a life purpose deeply rooted in us that we are meant for. You can call it whatever you like, a mission, a calling, the point is that you feel unable to stop yourself from gravitating towards it, like a moth to a flame.

Your purpose is the sweet spot that exists in the intersection between passion, aptitude, attitude and medium.

When you find what this is supposed to be, you should feel like the air has gone out of the room because you are that excited about the prospect of doing this or you might feel like someone has just injected you with a shot of adrenaline and you feel revived, your chest might hurt but you feel alive, for the first time perhaps.

Purpose comes in different forms too. Though for some it is that love at first sight, a thunder bolt kind of moment but for most of us it is a long relationship and you might dance around it, play hard to get.

You might treat it like a booty call and only call on it when you are desperate and frustrated with feeling like you do not matter, mostly it will be a somewhat contentious relationship because to do what you love, you need to leave the notions of comfort behind.

Figuring out your purpose is often a long process but along the way you get to know yourself very well. This process usually begins with a passion.

Not just something you are interested in, something you are obsessed with, something you are willing to put in long hours to research, to learn and to share.

Next, you need to think about what is it that you are good at doing or want to learn how to be proficient at. Finally, you need to also decide on how you want to create/share your chosen subject matter. Put all of that together, you get your purpose.

At last, you now found your purpose but still struggling to move forward? What you will need to do next is pinpoint exactly what it is you want to do with your new-found purpose.

Say your passion is in arts, are you going to paint, make something? With what? And what is the theme or subject matter? I took 10 years to figure out where exactly I want to go only to find out that this was exactly where I wanted to go 10 years ago but fear and uncertainty stopped me and I lost my way.

Also, just before you get too comfortable, you are most likely going to change your focus at some point. But guess what? This is all normal and part of life.

Truth is, you are not going to have the same version of your life purpose throughout your entire life and you will go through different passions and interests and think that’s The One but I think finally knowing what your life purpose it is like meeting your soul mate, you are going to kiss a few frogs but when you meet your prince, you’ll know he’s the one. 

In Conclusion: The Power of Three Will Set You Free

Sorry, could not resist a little bit of Charmed magic here 😊 All witchcraft aside though, you might think that you are alone in feeling lost in life, frustrated with a lack of fulfilment and the constant pulse of something is not right, there should be more to your life than this. You are not alone.

I have been there and sometimes I still feel that familiar sense of frustration when I have let my life stagnate to a certain degree, and there are so many others that feel the exact same way.

We are all seeking more meaning, more fulfilment because it is the way we are wired.

Do not judge yourself for wanting more, do not be ashamed of not having achieved more, just make the decision and start working on these 3 things, little by little and you will be more on your way to a more fulfilling life.

You can do this.