“In the social jungle of human existence, there is no feeling of being alive without a sense of identity.” ~ Erik Erikson

When we talk about identity, most people think about group or social identities such as which country they are from which is a national identity. Sometimes, people identify most with their race and culture such as being Chinese or being a Buddhist.

Or you might think of the ideology or lifestyle you identify with such as being green, being a vegan or being a Crossfitter.

These are the identities you take on as a member of larger groups of people you belong with and share the same interests and characteristics.

What we tend to struggle to answer is the other side of us; our self identity. These are your answers to the question: Who am I?

Your self identity

Identity is defined as who you are, the way you think about yourself, the way you are viewed by the world and the characteristics that define you.

Interestingly, the word identity is from the Late Latin worn identitas which was influenced by the word essentitas meaning essence.

To me, it makes sense that our identity is our essence; it is what makes us who we are, from the inside, from our core.

Not knowing who we are or not having a strong sense of our self identity is like going through life in the fog, without a map and without a destination.

When you do not have a strong self identity, every decision you make is based not on what you really want but what you think would make sense at that moment.

It is all fine if your goal in life is to simply drift with the times, to simply go along with the situations implemented by others. However, most of us want more.

In fact, you probably wouldn’t have read this far without even the slight notion of wanting more in life.

You may not know yet what it is but you probably have the idea that it all starts with you.

Every being has the need not only to be but to affirm his own being. This is especially significant for the human organism, for it is gifted with, or condemned to, self-consciousness. – Rollo May

What knowing your self identity really means

In our core we all crave the same things, we want to matter, to be loved, to belong.

In order to matter, you need to be of value to others.

In order to be loved, you need to know how to love in the first place.

In order to belong, you need to know who you want to connect with.  

It all comes back to knowing who you are.

When you know who you are, you will have a clear sense of your purpose in life because you know what gives your life meaning.

When you know you are, you will no longer accept anything less than what you know you deserve because you will know what your non-negotiables are from the people around you and from yourself.

When you know who you are, you will no longer be lost or confused because your life’s directions will become clear to you.

When you know who you are, all the choices you make will be based on what you want and not based on anyone else’s expectations.

When you know who you are, you will finally be able to appreciate and accept who you are and not feel the need to be someone else.

What having a strong self identity doesn’t mean

Having a strong self identity does not mean that you will be perpetually happy because happiness is simply a fleeting emotion.

Having a strong self identity does not mean that you will be always on top form and unbeatable because knowing who you are means knowing and accepting your own shortcomings.

Having a strong self identity does not mean that you will automatically be crystal clear about where your life is leading because it takes effort to stay on path.

Having a strong self identity does not mean that you are always strong because you are only human and being vulnerable, being anxious is part of who you are.

Having a strong self identity does not mean that you will never have a single doubt about your capabilities because you are only human after all.

The more you know yourself, the more patience you have for what you see in others. ~ Erik Erikson

By knowing yourself more, you are at the position to accept you for whom you are.

By knowing yourself more, you need no longer feel the insecurity and the anxiety of not measuring up to others.

By knowing yourself more you will be free to fully appreciate what it means to be you and what it means for others to be them.

By knowing yourself more you will have the freedom and courage to be you.