​“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; for it becomes your destiny.”

― Upanishads

When we listen to stories about Frodo in Lord of The Rings or Harry Potter, we hear stories about how ordinary people triumphed despite the odds stacked against them. We hear these stories, the stories about the underdog and marvel at how they were able to do what they did. We feel inspired by these stories and we start to believe that perhaps we too, can make it despite our weaknesses.

Stories of these heroes though are not that common in our daily lives. Not many of us think about our past and reminisce about the achievements we have accomplished or the obstacles we have surmounted to get to where we are today.

We do not always think about the stories we tell ourselves about our past, about our present and about our future. Stories have the ability to transcend even the most cynical of us; without stories we wouldn’t know what happened throughout history and without stories we wouldn’t be able to gain insights into the people who have made a difference in our world.

 

Transform through redemption

 

Most of us tell ourselves negative stories if we did say anything at all. This is especially so if we come from a lifetime of conditioning to do so. As a child, if your parents convinced you that you are not clever, you will tell yourself that at some point as well. But there are different kinds of stories and the most transformative are the redemptive stories.

The gist of these stories are things like “being sick made me appreciate the people around me more” or “being laid off was the best thing that happened to me, I finally have the courage to pursue what I really want to do.”

 

Different strokes for different folks

 

Different stories are meaningful for different people. For some we base our personal story on what we have accomplished, we have also met people who only focus on the bad things in their lives.

Some like to brag about the network they have, you know, the name droppers. But some also focus on the meaningful connections they have in their lives such as meeting their soulmate or their friendships with their besties.

On the other hand, many also focus on what they lack; in terms of relationships for example, they focus on not having anyone in their lives or being miserably single. There are also people who pride themselves on being the master of their own destiny, having full control of what happens in their lives.

 

Stories can become ghosts of our past

 

Stories however do not just exist for the present. It exists as evidence of the past. We all know someone who just can’t let go of the past, and they keep repeating the same stories and from that repetition, they create an illusion of themselves still being that person.

This, however, also creates a different narrative when we look at the people telling these stories. We see them as a little sad with their inability to move forward and if we must be honest, we get a little irritated at the repetitive stories.

In tribal communities, stories are a way to pass down information and provides a creative spin on encouraging the younger members of the tribe to take pride in their traditions and in themselves. These stories are usually heroic and legendary, they could be things like stories of how an individual fulfills treacherous rites of passage when one becomes a man or a woman, or stories of great warriors defeating their enemies or exercising dominion over the beasts of the land.

 

Stories guide us towards future decisions

 

Similarly, the stories we tell ourselves guide us towards future decisions. If you had been successful academically, it would be a no-brainer to pursue further studies because you know you can do it.

If you’ve had a string of failed relationships, the story you might tell yourself is that you are simply not capable of love or you are incapable of attracting the right person.

If you have always fallen off the diet wagon, you might say that you are destined to be fat forever and that you just lack the discipline in anything.

 

We see ourselves in the stories we hear

 

The stories we prefer to hear tell us about what we truly desire; if you love stories like the Cinderella stories found in Korean dramas where the poor but hardworking girl meets her rich and handsome prince charming who changes her life. Or you enjoy shows like the reality show, The Bachelor, chances are you might wish to be swept off your feet by a handsome and wealthy suitor.

If you love stories of the underdogs eventually finding success and happiness, then perhaps you too wish that upon yourself.

 

A hero’s journey

 

Many of us also see ourselves in a redemptive story which we can see through a hero’s journey in almost every epic story written or movie made.

In a hero’s journey, a term first coined by the author Joseph Campbell, there is usually an unwilling or unlikely hero who at first is happy being an ordinary individual but then find himself at the crossroads where he needs to make a decision of staying small or answering the call of greatness.

This is like when Frodo first starts off with being completely happy and contented with his life in the shire. He is then called to the mission of delivering the ring to be destroyed by the fires of Mount Doom where it was forged.

When he does answer the call, he then ventures into an unknown territory that will test his resilience, bravery and resourcefulness. In Frodo’s case he goes on this journey with his loyal friend, Sam Wise. Finally, he triumphs, good over evil much like Simba did in the Lion King, like Harry Potter versus Lord Voldemort, when Frodo destroys the ring, he saves the day and the hero experiences a transformation within himself.

Most importantly, the hero had forged his own path and rewrote the narrative of his life accordingly. The hero can now no longer return to his former self, the version of him before surmounting all of the trials and tribulations and he thus becomes a different person.

Likewise, when we make the hard decisions and choose to go on our own path, we have chosen to rewrite our own story.

 

Forging your own path

Joseph Campbell wrote in his book, The Hero’s Journey: Joseph Campbell on His Life & Work:

“You enter the forest
at the darkest point,
where there is no path.

Where there is a way or path,
it is someone else’s path.

You are not on your own path.

If you follow someone else’s way,
you are not going to realize
your potential.”

A story is in its most basic form, made up of words. Words crafted by people. Words that have the power to heal and hurt. The most important thing to know is that we must be mindful of the stories we tell ourselves and here are the three ways you can change your story.

 

3 ways to start changing your narrative

 

1. Recognise the story you tell about yourself today.

Think about what you would say to a person when they ask you to talk to them about you. What do you tend to start with? Do you talk about your accomplishments or your failures? Do you bring up your connections with people or do people not feature at all in your narrative?

Most importantly, what is the story you tell yourself when no one is listening? We are our own worst critics so if you are serving negative stories, it is most likely to yourself and not out loud.

2. Listen to what you say is lacking in your life right now

Naturally we all have some things we like about ourselves and some things we dislike. When we talk about something lacking in our lives be it accomplishments, connections, happiness we are really telling ourselves what we want to change.

Pay attention to what you are envious of when it comes to other people because we are usually envious when it is the same things we are going after.

3. Changing the negative story to a redemptive one

What inspires you to be a better person? Who inspires you? What kind of stories speak to you the most? If you had a negative story of your childhood, could you use the same story and turn it into something empowering? How about “I was poor growing up but because of that I grew up to be resourceful and creative with how I stretch my finances.” Instead of “I have always been poor and no matter how hard I work, I will never make enough to be free.” Do you see the difference?

The words we use form the basis of our reality. Imagine yourself talking to a child, would you tell him to craft a story that was uplifting, or would you tell him to be discouraging? We forget that we are only human, we forget that we must be kind to ourselves as well as others. Remember, words can heal, or they can hurt.

If you had to write your story to become a hero’s journey, how would it sound like?